BOOKS: Bridget Jones's Torture Device

I assume that everyone has an anxious day now and then, for no apparent reason. You worry about this and that, and things seem to be all piled up on top of each other, so that when you stop worrying about one thing, you can conveniently and with ease, move on to the next. (If I'm wrong and you don't, can I be you???)

Well, can I give you one small piece of advice? The next time you are having one of these anxious days, do not read Bridget Jones's Diary. Put it at the very bottom of that pile of dirty laundry on your bedroom floor and cover it with the stack of DVDs you've been meaning to return to Blockbuster. Or place it deep in the back of the fridge - build a little screen out of the jar of mustard, the single beer, expired yogurt, and the bottle of molasses since there's nothing else in there to hide it behind - though to be frank, there's no reason to go in the fridge anyways due to the echo it produces when you open the door. Sure, BJD is very funny when you are feeling normal and well-adjusted. I'm willing to bet my favorite pink polka-dot socks that it's even laugh-out-loud funny. Fielding's quirky turns of phrase, and Bridget's incessant flip-flop between rationalizing and condemning her self-destructive tendencies verge on brilliantly relatable and hilarious. But when you're feeling slightly out of control of your life? Not so much. It simply helps add stuff to the pile that hadn't quite yet occurred to you, but now that she has irresponsibly placed it onto said pile? You will be able to quickly and easily add it to your list of things to freak out about.

Just a small tip, from me to you, cuz I love ya kid. Now get out there and watch some sweet, syrupy, princessy, non-politically-correct Disney movie where everyone is beeyooteeful and sings a sweet song and then lives happily ever. I'm going to hide under my covers. I wish I had some Ben & Jerry's to keep me company.