Dear Mr. Landlord;

Having lived here for 3.5 years now, having caused you nary a problem nor a late rent cheque, I was just wondering something about the tenants which you seem to replace every three months below us. How is it that you manage to continually find people who enjoy playing terrible music as loudly as possible? This is quite a feat. Is it a requirement for that unit? Is it on the sign or something? Do you advertise the apartment in some underaged techno bar in Hull? Are there bonus points on the application if they profess to enjoying the pasttime of screaming incessantly and loudly throughout every hockey game, football game and play station game in the known universe? (My cat loves that by the way. He has been known to fall off the couch in "joy" when startled awake by bloodcurdling shrieks from below.) Do you personally test their stereo systems before they move in to ensure that they will make my couch shake? Will the supply of these special tenants you find ever run out? Do you hate us?

Just curious.

Sincerely,
CBC girl.