Overheard...
I was reading Dickens in my favorite fair-trade coffee shop today over a mulled cranberry cider and ginger cookie (after a skate downtown to an art gallery and back), congratulating myself on the childless state which allowed me such lazy pleasures, when suddenly I was surrounded. Two couples and their two Osh Kosh overalled babies took over the table next to me, and to my right were two other twin babies in their chariot, drooling on cookie bits. Luckily, I greatly enjoy being surrounded by miniature humans.
The conversation which ensued however, was like a terrifying little sociological focus group on what the next phase of my life would be like. I was the researcher, hidden behind the two-way glass, observing these specimens in their natural habitat. The conversation of the subjects revolved around (I exaggerate NOT) soothers, breast feeding, baby monitors, play groups, and parental leave, and that was the DADS talking to each other. The moms discussed boobs (and various boob afflictions due to breastfeeding), favorite baby toys, mat leave, daycare, and spent an inordinate amount of time asking each other (the babies ages were two weeks apart) if their baby waves yet, claps yet, says mamamamama and dadadadadada yet (no really, they actually said that!), is teething yet, sleeps through the night, how much they weigh, what they eat. For a few minutes the moms and the dads discussed their former jobs, and each couple told of one movie they had seen lately, but ninety percent of the conversation (again, I swear I'm not exaggerating) was directly about the babies.
A lot of time was also taken up showing the other parent couple their baby's tricks - the boy baby can put his fist in his mouth and say "ah bah bah bah bah", and the girl baby waves bye-bye. This entertained four adults in a coffee shop for at least ten minutes.
Now don't get me wrong - I mock not. I condescend not.
The thing that worries me, and the reason I mention this, is that judging by the inordinately loooong amount of time I can discuss my cat if allowed, and the fact that I show every guest his delightful trick of climbing up the scratching post to retrieve a treat, means that I will make these four people seem like the BBC in terms of interesting and intelligent conversation when I actually have a kid. Enjoy me now people, because in a few years you'll be finding every exuse to avoid me... :-)
The conversation which ensued however, was like a terrifying little sociological focus group on what the next phase of my life would be like. I was the researcher, hidden behind the two-way glass, observing these specimens in their natural habitat. The conversation of the subjects revolved around (I exaggerate NOT) soothers, breast feeding, baby monitors, play groups, and parental leave, and that was the DADS talking to each other. The moms discussed boobs (and various boob afflictions due to breastfeeding), favorite baby toys, mat leave, daycare, and spent an inordinate amount of time asking each other (the babies ages were two weeks apart) if their baby waves yet, claps yet, says mamamamama and dadadadadada yet (no really, they actually said that!), is teething yet, sleeps through the night, how much they weigh, what they eat. For a few minutes the moms and the dads discussed their former jobs, and each couple told of one movie they had seen lately, but ninety percent of the conversation (again, I swear I'm not exaggerating) was directly about the babies.
A lot of time was also taken up showing the other parent couple their baby's tricks - the boy baby can put his fist in his mouth and say "ah bah bah bah bah", and the girl baby waves bye-bye. This entertained four adults in a coffee shop for at least ten minutes.
Now don't get me wrong - I mock not. I condescend not.
The thing that worries me, and the reason I mention this, is that judging by the inordinately loooong amount of time I can discuss my cat if allowed, and the fact that I show every guest his delightful trick of climbing up the scratching post to retrieve a treat, means that I will make these four people seem like the BBC in terms of interesting and intelligent conversation when I actually have a kid. Enjoy me now people, because in a few years you'll be finding every exuse to avoid me... :-)
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